Drop-kicking a boxer and stealing his dinner would NOT be a LOVING thing.

That's what I said to myself at the gym last night after cooling down on the track after doing my weights workout. I still need to repent for the pleasure the mental image of doing such a thing gave me and still does LOL. You know, I think I could have taken him, not due to strength, but due to the element of surprise.

What self-respecting 100lb Christian 'Lady' would do such a thing anyway?
A HUNGRY one.
Never underestimate a hungry woman, especially a hungry woman with a chip on her shoulder... which I was last night.

I went to the gym to do my workout w/ the weights and they were holding some sort of dinner on the lower deck for a big group of boxers... the players not the panties. They had a catered BBQ with ALL the fixins!!! The way the floor plan there is set up, it was open to us sweating and gasping for our lives on the top deck. Normally there are just people playing basketball down there.

The smells... OH MY. Being a high raw vegetarian I haven't eaten barbecue in probably 2 years... minus the mood swing I had last spring when after an event Hottie and I went to lunch and I inhaled a whole plate of finger steaks dipped in BBQ sauce. I don't know what possessed me, and Hottie just sat there and laughed at me while he ate his ruben sandwich knowing me well enough not to try to stop me or argue with me and relishing in his 'I told you so' moment that was to come. I definitely got my lesson in perspective after that. The texture of the dead flesh alone was gagging me, but I did it anyway. The way I felt the next 24 hours after that was bonified validation of the lifestyle change I have made for myself.

Yesterday was rough. While I completely enjoyed my salads and green smoothies I was allowed to have, I was HUNGRY. The detox cravings set in as I was paying for the sins of the past month of too much convenience, junk, and processed food. To add to my torture, I ran across this hilarious YouTube about that food impression guy making SNICKERS blindfolded!

I wish I could remember the name of one of my favorite childhood books. I actually won it in a reading contest in 2nd or 3rd grade but I never forgot it. It was about a poor Chinese family living in a loft above a greedy restaurant owner. The boy's family could not afford to eat nice food, and often had just plain cold rice leftovers that were thrown out at the end of the night from the restaurant. The boy resolved all this eventually by 'stealing the smells' from the gourmet food that was cooking during the day. He closed his eyes and imagined those smells as he ate his bland cold rice and the imagry blended to make his bland food a culinary delight.

I still love the smell of a good BBQ - I just know that the way I am made it is not a good thing for me... so I cooled down on the track and stole the smells. Just as I was finding my peace with the situation, one of the boxers saw someone he knew upstairs and came up to talk to his friend. As I rounded the corner I had to move out of his way and almost collided with his plate of smelly steaming food. I half glared, half laughed at him thinking... are you KIDDING me???? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU ARE DEALING WITH HERE??? He moved out of my way with a polite.. 'Uh, sorry.' and I nodded back with hopefully a more sincere than sarcastic smile. It took the next 3 laps to talk myself out of attempting to what I mentioned above. I suppose the Shania Twain blasting in my ears in my iPod didn't help my 'kick-***' attitude.

Isn't it funny how powerful something 'we CAN'T have' can be? Sometimes that is all that we can focus on, it takes over the entire picture and breeds anger, frustration, self-pity, resentment, jealousy and the list goes on. We end up yearning for the things that will do us nothing but harm and bring no glory to Him or his kingdom. I can see Satan having such a party over that... blinding us to only one small side, as our human nature zones in on only that.

Due to my specific dietary and health conditions, I 'CAN'T HAVE' some things. There are other things I 'CAN'T HAVE' because they would be harmful and sinful other areas of my life. I really wish I could say sincerely that I don't ever WANT those 'CAN'T HAVES' but that is just not the case.

Somewhere during my cool down laps, I heard a whisper of ... "But what about what you CAN have? Are you seeking all that, do you even KNOW what gifts I have waiting for you?"

Some people call it the 'glass half full' way of thinking. I spent the next while making a mental checklist of all the HUGE AND AMAZING things the Lord has provided for me of not only the things I CAN HAVE, but DO HAVE and it was an amazing humbling and reassuring revelation. Not only was I reminded that I am blessed so far beyond what I deserve but that there is even MORE he wants to give me, is trying to give me, but I am blinding myself to the 'smells' of worldly fleeting pleasures and that I am not seeking it.

This morning I woke thinking about that boxer and his BBQ and am glad I didn't drop-kick him. What I 'can't have' isn't so important right now, especially when looking over at my sleepy Hottie and hearing the sounds of my daughters' laughter at the dog dancing in the kitchen for his morning treat.

I start today off saying a huge prayer of THANKS for all that I can and do have and all that I have waiting for me. I am still hungry, but my focus for what I am hungry for is shifting.